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Xavier S.
10 February 2007 @ 05:24 am
All joking aside please! I would like to apologize to anyone to whom I was: mean spirited towards, said unkind words to, and to anyone who has been treaded disrespectfully by me in the last two days. Please know that I’ve now endured the worst pain that could ever been given. I am one of many that believes in the saying “Bad things come in threes.”. with that type of pain now fleeting me, last night I stumbled into part two. It seems that my father was hospitalized from an unfortunately hereditary disease. Although my family shuns him, I can’t willing let anyone be alone during this time. That is why I’ve decided I will go to Houston and see him. Please forgive me for this. For now knowing what one and two felt like, I can’t imagine what number three would feel like, if I wasn’t there during it. If you feel that it is necessary to get a hold of me I will have my cell phone on me. For those who deem it worthy to yell at me for causing the cast a burden, you may also contact me. Both are acceptable, and completely understandable.
Xavier S.
21 December 2006 @ 06:36 am
so OMG!!!! i was online.. and i totaly found this cool page with all new pix of stuff!!!! www.myspace.com/always_lost_x

i know i know.. i have no soul for plugging my own account but hey... check out them pix!!! why didn't anyone tell me i was so gosh darn hot hot hot!!!
Xavier S.
15 December 2006 @ 12:34 am
been so long since i last posted on this thing. well, i guess i'm long due. rather than just unload and disout all my problems, fears, dreams, wants, and plain out bitching i'll just focus on the thing that currently plageing my mind. my sister... most wonderful, sweet, kind, lovely sister.. wait no, thats someone else. my sister is a complete and total hag, a hog beast of a woman, well i guess i can't be too upset at her (she is paying for my college and all) but this is just yet another of the countless nights ruined by her. see i had plans.. (which will remain nameless solely for the fact that it has nothing to do with anything.) and she had to go to school to take a test.. sure no prob. she goes in at 7:30 says it'll only be about 2 hours. i call her at around 11:00 to which she says she stopped by at a friends house and will return home in just a bit.. just a bit to me means 5-15 minutes and thats freakin pushing it. it's now 12:41 am and my plans are crushed.. and for some odd reasons its bothering me more than i thought.. i guess its cause now i seem like a promise breaker or some kind of bastard friend. i'm sorry.. /sigh, oh well right? its now the past, and you can't change the past right? the christmas party is tomorrow, and yet i feel like i don't want to show up.. don't know why but it feels as if darkness is comming again, and i'd just like to hermit it up you know? i've gotten some really good christmas gifts already, i'm fine with what i got already but is it wrong that i want more... further i can't it but everytime i go to the stores around my house i see things that i instantly think.. " ooohhh felicia would love that..." its weird but being a sociopath (spelled very incorrectly) for all my life and suddenly feeling the warmth i do when i see her smile when i give her things.. i'd like to say i'm truely blessed to have her in my life. she opens my other wise dark and wrinkeled heart and and fills it with joy.. umm anyway i gotta go this continues tomorrow
Xavier S.
03 November 2006 @ 07:47 pm

LogoThere are:
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

Xavier S.
04 October 2006 @ 04:20 am
finally took into consideration the exact meaning behind her name. Mistress. It's a funny word when said randomly, yet it will draw fear from the highest and most powerful immortal if said in a threatening tone of any sort.

I suppose she contrived her title partially from her father, Master Progem but somehow I find it easy to equate a definition by its own accord; meaning- she earns the title, regardless of origin.

mistress- a woman who has authority, control, or power, especially the female head of a household, institution, or other establishment. -a female owner of an animal, or formerly, a slave. -a woman who has the power of controlling or disposing of something at her own pleasure.

The list continues as such for a good while, however I am sure you have captured the jist of my point. In every sense of these definitions has she obtained the title with firm madness. Her lair, an immense creature of technology and wonder, travels beneath her belt to every whim, containing her creations as she spills them from her torturous mind and housing them until she dispells them without a thought. Known to all as the devisor of things hatefull, the creator of beings both metal and flesh, the twisted soul capable of nightmares and desolate scapes, Mistress has earned her own entry within our dictionaries and thesauruses.

Besides commanding her behemoth, Phoebe, her androids and cybonetic creations beckon to her very side as wanted. Tied to her through fierce mental programming, she has been known to manupulate events and people from afar into her own workings, even at such vast distances as opposite star systems and past black hole entities. I can count numberous occasions when dealing with her, or one of her associates, has ended badly and more often messy- I guess I should save my favorite one for a better time though.

Well, it seems like I have come full circle from whence I began. As my back slid against the slimy wall lit with its circuits and intricate mechanisms, my mind could only seem to focus on Mistress and her stupid title as my world fell into itself within the hail of weapons fire. Great lashes of electrically charged particles rose and slammed down the poor infantry like waves crashing upon broken rocks. All around me, the currents swept away my peers and hope as the tide does the sand, forming nothing but dunes of helpless thought and endless theory.
Xavier S.
03 October 2006 @ 09:34 pm
i got a job interview at EB games on friday @ 2pm.. lol its kinda ironic when you think about it.. lol sam said i should end up whoring myself to all stores that have video games. anyway, yeah once i interview, i got the job in the bag. but that doesn't mean i should stop looking. tomorrow, i'm going to put more apps out there. all will be well right? /sigh right?! no it doesn't look that way, it seems a dark cloud is covering my life. horrible things infest my mind, luckly i have the support of my dearest friends.
Xavier S.
21 September 2006 @ 02:04 pm
Last night I had a dream that I had my own place, and was throwing a party it was kinda freakin sweet, everyone I know was there. Anyway, the dream shifted and suddenly everyone was either getting ready or running away when we heard that Calvin was on the way. The mighty rev. and I were getting our "lets whoop some ass" faces on while others were hiding in closets, or other things of that nature. He never showed up but the feeling I had was so strange. I woke up and saw that I had missed some calls, so I checked my phone. Summer had called "that's odd" I think to myself as I try to think of why she would. Most likely to talk about something rocky related so I decide to call her back. I push the talk button twice and return her call. As I hear the phone ringing I look down at the number and see that its her old home phone number… "son of a bitch" >.< and right before I could hang up Calvin answered the phone. He's asking me for a ride to work… pfft, are you fuckin serious? I tell him no, then he asks me when were going to hang out.. (now I'm not sure but after you burn a bridge, I'm not quite sure you should try to cross the river.) I say we're not and hang up. Don't feel bad about it. I knew this was coming cause the night before he had called Ryan and asked him the same thing. I was just wondering why he'd wait till early assed in the morning to ask me. Then it hits me like a bag of kittens (that have been glued together somehow[so its like double the kitten fun]) if anyone asks me when I first wake up.. they can get me to do anything, while I'm in "Zombie" mode I don't really know what I'm saying or hearing >.> I end up going back to bed and have another dream. Kevin, his girlfriend and I are sitting in the Jacuzzi of this bad ass house everything is going fine till I start hitting on his girlfriend. He says nothing as I start to fuck her right in front of him. I stop and exit the tub. They start to fuck. I head to the kitchen and make myself an avocado sandwich. His girlfriend starts to give me a blowjob. "Freakin awesome" I hear in the back ground. I turn my head and its Kevin smiling. I finish up and leave. Drive back home and am about to skinny dip in the apartments pool when I'm stopped by an old man that says I should wear some clothes for the human body has too much lead in it and I would contaminate the pool. "wouldn't that happen even if I wore clothes?" I say back to him and he gives me a "you're a fuckin idiot" look. I get clothes on and head down stairs to the pool where I catch up with Kevin's gal we fuck again on the floor and Kevin shows up.. she walks away and he punches her in the face about 3 times. I run up to Kevin and say something along the line of "I don't care who you are… you hit a girl I gotta beat your ass." And then it happens… me and the mighty Kevin start to fist fight and it's the worst I've ever seen. I win and get up and he threatens to expose my secret to everyone around. I look around, its Raini, Kristin, Felicia (which is a cop), and (Ian but he's dressed up like that guy from fantasy island so I guess it doesn't count.) I smile and say that these people already know my secret. And walk away. Knowing that our friendship had broken up both Kevin and I were crushed, in the dream we gave each other a hug and remembered the good times and all that jazz… that's when I woke up.
Xavier S.
20 September 2006 @ 07:56 pm
Well, hello kiddos.
It seems that the great month of October is right around the corner and well, a few of you know that every year I try to watch one scary film for every day in the month. Last years event went extremely well. And this years I’d hope can go even better. So I’m asking you, my friends, my family, and others to help me celebrate the years most under appreciated month by watching a horror/ slasher/ scary/ creepy/ disturbing movie with me. no you don’t have to watch one with me everyday.. hehehehe unless you want to.(that would rock) I’m just saying I’m going to be doing this and well, if you wanna tag along give me a call, e-mail, or just comment. We still got about 2 weeks before this gets underway, yeah.. that’s about it.
Xavier S.
20 September 2006 @ 03:28 am
by the by i foud out who was my MYspace stalker.... it turns out that the hag that ditched me for the Mexican... remember.. susan? yeah it was her.. i spent alongtime talkin to her last night... not gonna give her a second chance.. she broke my heart and i refuse to be walked on anymore! although she does know how to make me feel good about myself
Xavier S.
20 September 2006 @ 03:25 am
nothing much lol, same old same old right? true although nothing has changed, i feel was though a weight has been lifted off my chest and I'm finally breathing correctly. What was something i thought would hurt is actually quite refreshing. Its weird but true. i need to spend some time with Ryan, i haven't in a while.. Maybe if he had like a sexy party... (hint hint) well that would roxor. its good when the old gang of the game nazi gets together. i don't know why but when ever i'm with a large group of people i just like to be quiet and just watch how they interact with each other.. Noticing the way people look differently at different people is also something i enjoy. You can tell how exactly a person feels about you but the way they look at you. "No shit" right.. Bah there's so much more in it then that. /sigh good times. Anyway, um yeah so that's cool. I'm cast this weekend as rocky, which is sweet ass cause I'm playing cross from the mighty Kevin. so hopefully it will make me less nervous. And I like the other cast members too.. so I'll be around friends, that wont judge me if I do shitty. I haven't been able to get a good nights sleep in the last couple of days. Don't know why.. my mind is racing, but I don't know what about. Crazy. I'm also "cast" for rocky on old school night.. which is freaking sweet but also quite depressing. Its awesome cause I'm freakin Mega-man, (XtG loves the mega-man) and well its all old school video games and such… the reason I think its mighty depressing is cause.. well the only reason I was even cast is because someone backed out. /sigh that seems to be the only reason I'm ever cast for anything. I WANT TO PLAY BRAD!. I WANT TO PLAY RIFF!!! And rocky sometime later.. but it seems as if I'm not attractive enough to be on stage unless it's a last minute change. Bah damn this.. I hate feeling so fucking low about myself. Don't think there's anything I can do to change it. People tell me I'm awesome, that I'm talented, that I'm a good person to be around… but why can't I see it? Hehehehe just thinking about how good I look in geeky glasses. (I guess the previous statements aren't true. Lol) you know what.. fuck this.. I'm fuckin hot.. and if you don't think so.. Fuck off! Yeah, ok I'm feeling better. Forgot how great I was for a moment there… thanks for waiting I'm back now anywho. Umm yeah don't know why I'm writing this blog guess I felt like I needed to type something. It helps me sometimes. Also when I have a great gal telling me how awesome I am, and that they've missed me yeah that helps too thanks silly girl. Anyway I'm off for now kiddos. Thanks for wasting you time reading this blog that turns out to be nothing more then a poorly written mess of random thoughts

later gators.. and remember… The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be love loved in return

Current Mood: awakeawake
Current Music: back ground noise from Moulin Rouge